FALSE LABOR – ROUND # 2
Last night (Saturday) Pam was feeling real crampy. By 11:00, she was having contractions every 3-5 minutes lasting 30-60 seconds, just like Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. So we called my parents to come over and watch Susie. At the hospital, she was still in the same spot she had been. It was more of the same – you can walk for an hour, hang out, or go home. So we went home at 1:00 and sent my parents back.
…But then Pam wakes up about 3:30 from her continuing contractions. At 4:15 she wakes me. I’m timing them, still every 3-5 minutes lasting 30-60 seconds, but Pam says they are more intense. At 5:15, she thinks it’s time to go back to the hospital. I call my poor parents again. By the time they get back (5:45), Pam is doubled over.
DRIVE BACK TO THE HOSPITAL
Pam’s in pain, so I get the OK to go through red lights. Luckily it’s early Sunday morning and not much traffic, but I proceed through cautiously anyway with hazard lights on. 295 is light also, but I’m going at a nice 85-90 mph clip…until Pam says, “We’re not going to make it!” All of a sudden my foot decides it’s time to go 100-110 mph. The hell we’re not going to make it. I don’t know nuthin’ ‘bout birthing no baby.
Pam is doubled over and expresses her pain by punching the dashboard. This causes an indicator to come on in front of me. Apparently she just disabled her airbag. Quick calculus (in the middle of driving 100). Tell Pam? NO! She might tell me to slow down. Slow down on my own? NO! She might have a baby in the car. Keep speeding and just don’t get in an accident? YES!
We exit, more red lights to run. One crazy intersection I go straight from the left only lane to go around the people stopped in the other lanes. I have to drive left of a car coming the opposite way and stayed on the opposing lanes because of a guy turning right into my lane.
AT THE HOSPITAL
We pull up to the emergency entrance (probably about 6:10). Pam needs a wheelchair. A guy from ER rushes out to help. He pauses for a split second at the registration desk. Pam, “The baby’s coming!!!” No time register. Up the elevator. Ding. “The baby’s coming!!! I have to push!!!” In harmony, me and the other guy, “DON’T PUSH!!!” In L&D, a dozen nurses rush over, pull Pam out of the wheelchair. Nurse, “There’s a bulge in her pants!!!” They strip her and throw her on the bed. The head is already out! Nurse, “Dad do you want to come here and see this?” Me, thinking I won’t be able to handle it with everything else I’ve just been through, “I’ve seen it once before.” Blink. Push. Baby! 6:15.
Pam is fine, but sore and shell shocked. I’m just shell shocked. Susie is home sleeping. And JULIA AUBREY is a healthy 6lb 9oz, 19.5″ mini-Susie who I’ve nicknamed “Joey Pants” in honor of her birthplace.